The New PC Standard For Judicial Nominees

Keeping in mind that this entire hubbub over Brett Kavanaugh revolves around a young woman claiming to be groped through her clothing before ‘making her escape’ 36 years ago and despite her extensive Ph.D. level education in psychology, she simply can’t get over the fact of having been groped in her teens.

Judge Kavanaugh, to all appearances and to anyone with a modicum of common sense has led an exemplary, contributory life. Dozens of women who know him well and would be the natural hunting ground were Kavanaugh a sexual predator have sworn to his character and integrity and the degree of support and propriety he demonstrated. It’s not good enough!

All of this leads to serious jeopardy. Our “leaders” argue that in this circumstance free speech should not prevail, the presumption of innocence should not prevail, that announcement of guilt in the absence of evidence is acceptable, due process doesn’t apply and guilt by accusation is good enough! Finally, for perhaps the first time in recent history, the accused is required to provide proof of his innocence according to Senator Coons. This from a U.S. Senator and supposed lawyer.

If those standards survive, the solution would be to ensure that all males who might, maybe, someday aspire to or consider an appointment to positions of authority must satisfy the following standards.

  1. Maintain a permanently visible plastic pocket protector tucked snugly into the pocket of a white dress shirt. No dress shirt color appropriation allowed.
  2. Be a virgin! Although as we’ve recently found out that might not be enough.
  3. Be able to prove, because it’s on you now, that you’ve never done anything on a date beyond a kiss on the cheek and paying for dinner.
  4. Don’t go to parties.
  5. Don’t be a stupid teenager, even though you actually were a stupid teenager; we were all stupid teenagers.
  6. Only drink alone; in your room so that no one can see it and you can deny ever having done it.
  7. Do not, under any circumstances, do anything of particular note that you could actually be held accountable for. That might turn out to be harder than you think.
  8. Maintain the center aisle in regards to political correctness.
  9. Ensure that your finger is held up firmly to determine the direction of the political and cultural wind.
  10. Be sure that whenever questioned about positions or beliefs you begin your answer with; “well, understanding that everything is relative, and reasonable people may disagree, and of course I completely respect the nature of those disagreements”.
  11. Know nothing, do nothing, believe in nothing but know how to sound sophisticated as you address your nothingness.
  12. Be a Democrat; be a part of the party of Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy and Al Franken; Keith Ellison sure is glad he’s one!