A Presidential Memo

TO: White House Staff

FROM: The President

      RE:  What the Hell?


  1. I expect a flogging from political opposition; I am, as you know prepared to argue the underlying ideas.  However, what’s up with Farrakhan and Reverend Wright? These guys are questioning my authority, motivation and competence; throwing stones at me while supporting Kaddafi as a great leader of his people.  Kaddafi, really?  Dennis Kucinich is alluding to impeachment?  Can someone please shut these guys up?  Hey, they’re not supposed to apply the litmus test to me!  I’m one of you, remember, historic election, politics, yes we can?   
  2. That damn Farrakhan never could pass on an opportunity to pontificate, now he’s telling us the sectarian equivalent to the Shiite 12th Imam, the ‘Mahdi’ already here predicting holy revolution in America.  That Landreaux guy predicted the Iranians would connect the 12th Imam to the upset and it ends up being Farrakhan.  What the Hell is going on with him?
  3. I’m getting it from the left and the right it’s like playing a golf course with no fairways.  Can we please find a way to placate someone, anyone?    
  4. Nicholas Sarkozy ends up looking like the guy with the cajones regarding Libya?  What the hell?  Who thought that was a good idea?  Where is the messaging magic? Where did it go?  Hillary is leaking her frustrations; you just know she’s plotting something, could someone find out what it is…….Please!  Bill disagreeing with me at the moment I spoke?  What are the odds? Can someone please get the Clintons under control?
  5. Damn Middle East is exploding and I’m at 8% approval in Israel.  The Arab League is spinning faster than a Russian ballerina.  Putin criticizes the action in Libya referring to it by its violence releasing code name; “crusade”!  What’s up with Medvedev? Medvedev doesn’t agree with Putin?  What?  A world gone mad, Medvedev doesn’t agree?  Maybe Putin has his own Hillary problem?     
  6. Got the same old folks pissed off at me with a whole new set of reasons for them to be pissed off.  Saudi’s are pissed over the lack of support in Bahrain, Egyptian demonstration leaders refuse to meet with Hillary.  The Brotherhood is resurgent in Egypt and making Hamas loving noises, we’re supporting rebels in Libya and we have not a clue as to who the hell they are except that al Qaeda could be involved.  Could someone please find out before I make the next speech?
  7. Turkey is perpetually pissed off, no matter what.  What the hell?  Hiz’bAllah takes over Lebanon; Yemen is shooting their people in the street, same in Bahrain.  Even Syria is suffering mass demonstrations.  What the hell is going on out there and why aren’t the speeches changing the nature of civilization as we know it? 
  8. And in the middle of all of that, who thought the picture with the glowing halo in front of the statue of Christ the Redeemer in Rio was a good idea?